Saturday, June 4, 2022

Awakened to a Dream

I have awakened to a dream, I back then concluded. While following the current of my breath, I observed the reflection that I saw in the waters of my mind laid out, as the life that was before me. In a lucid, conscious state, I felt wonder. Life was a dream—It must have been, even if only metaphorically. Life was and is too amazing not to be! Years before this, I never would have thought I’d be deep in meditation, especially while held by the Napa River in California, living on a yacht just outside the San Francisco Bay. Even the bad moments exhibited a romance that I justified to be, in the German sense of the word, like a beautiful tragedy. I saw life as a dream with lessons to be learned, with symbols to interpret, but most of all, life was just pure wonder even when I lived in doubt. My mind was on the border of the surface of the water, but at the same time swimming deep in the subconscious of my mind. Anchored by intention, with a mental motor that sat idle during all those hours of meditation, just like the idle boat, I was tied up to a dock not moving, much like how my many meditations were spent in stillness. Like a motor with many gears, brain waves change with meditation. Science proves it. There are many different brainwaves that make up consciousness. Beta is the most alert, awakened state. Alpha waves are relaxed, a state of day dreaming. Theta is a trance-like state, or lucid dreaming. Finally, delta is a state of deep sleep. When these brainwaves change, it is usually subtle, but it can also be quite obvious. I bet you can even feel it if you set your mind to noticing. Those familiar moments of sinking deeper into sleep at night is something that everyone experiences. Meditation does something similar to the brain, not in the sense that it always puts people to sleep, but rather that the frequencies that the brain operates change like a radio tuning into a different station. One should strive to not get caught up in the static of unnecessary noise. Binaural beats can be a good tool for changing the brainwaves. They work on stimulating different parts of the brain with sounds as a way to bring about a certain kind of consciousness by altering brain waves. These audio frequencies come in the form of binaural beats for deep meditation, sleep, lucid dreams, focus, or even sound-simulated drug sensations, all basically operating as many methods to channel the surf of mental waves. It was not until after a Vipassana retreat that I was ultimately put into a self-directed trance. All I needed was chill-trance music and breath to help bring me deeper into what felt like states of deep “hypnotic” trance. This is when I learned that my brain waves could actively, consciously change on their own, just through mindful observation. It certainly made for a good mental surf. With waves literally in mind, I thought of the Double-Split experiment in quantum mechanics. Electrons, as matter– a subtle form of consciousness–behave as both particles and waves. What determines what form it takes, particle or wave, is whether or not it is being watched. Observing the mind in meditation also behaves differently while being watched during mindfulness. Although in a different sense, while wavering between different realities, particles and waves also depend on observation to get an accurate understanding. This concept helps us to observe consciousness as a psychological reality in a similar sense. Observing helps give a meditator a more well-rounded picture, as things are not always as they seem. That is true especially to those that do not practice mindfulness enough to know that. That is also what the atom-split experiment found out through observation. That observation really does matter to matter. Is reality mind or matter? That’s the big debate in science and philosophy. It has been for some time. Cartesian Dualism, as Rene Descartes theory puts it, says that mind and matter exist separately. This idea helped to set the foundation for the debate of metaphysics, which quantum mechanics has boosted up with scientific data, not to mention also major analogies. Going back to the idea of whether or not I have awakened to a dream, or the question that I may have dreamed up a reality, I had found myself in a constant state of awe over this. I definitely still feel that, but then in the blissful high that I felt upon traveling the country going on spirit quests and retreats, I concluded that my mind, which was awakened (mainly to uncertainty), caused me to believe that it could only be best summed up as yet another scientific analogy, one that I humbly stole from Werner Heisenberg. According the Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle, when an observer knows the position of a particle, it cannot possibly know the momentum. When it knows the momentum, it loses track of the location. In other words, when the particle is in motion, one cannot know the stance. When it knows the stance, it doesn’t know its swing. I don’t need to be physics genius to be able to turn this into a useful analogy. My blissful uncertainty to the world around me, the one that leaves me scratching my head over, at the same time leaves me clapping my hands. After all, I have AWAKENED to how beautiful it is! It’s not supposed to be figured out! It’s supposed to be a mystery! While putting my head together with a physics professor for a few hours, he had said my version of understanding reality works, too. Even if I am not that physics wiz that actually understands what I spend my life obsessing in terms of my own uncertainty principle, I still managed to come up with a theory for my everything. In regards to do-si-do dance of synapses that make up my mind, I told the professor who I carpooled with to an activist event, that when I meditate, or even live life for that matter, I sometimes get caught up on changing perception so much that I do not know my official stance. That is, I get caught in the flux. I said that I was wavering too much…only sometimes, but that’s the point. One cannot know the stance while in flux! That is why I told the Professor that when I know my stance, I get overly hyper-focused with it that I forget that I change, thus the unpredictability, yet with intense focus. I called this “Meta’s Uncertainty Principle.” To my happiness, I got a good laugh out of him! He said it is the perfect analogy, matter as consciousness, and consciousness as matter. The analogy works. I’ve really felt this lately with the existential crisis that I’ve been in. I’m about to be thirty. It’s a big deal, truly what a big deal! As this age dawns on me, it has made me want stability, but I’m forever in a paradox of which I call life, while grasping for something that I cannot hold on to. This is mind though. That is the three-month moment of the river that I lived on. Now it’s the memory of it. This is also reality. This is the dream that I have awoken to! This feeling is also my meditations. Meditation is like riding waves that either pull you under or help you to rise above to surf. Brain waves come and go, but consciousness, as that ocean, has always been here and always will be, from what we can imagine as humans. Therefore, we might as well embrace it even if you cannot be totally present to observe it. Even if you were, it would be different than the actual state of reality, as that is what observable consciousness does. Like many meditators, I have found the breath to be a current that changed the direction of the flow of the mind to create peace. Like waves on a river, or even the ocean, or the San Francisco Bay, the tide changes with the wind. Just like a good summer breeze, the breath, as wind, makes for more refreshing swim in the waters of life. It is even better with the shining light of the sun, or in other words, the idea lightbulb that brought you to the shores of your mind. Frankly, I did not have to just picture myself on a boat on a river, like The Beatles song. I literally went out into the world and sought after a piece of mind to someday bring home with me. The truth is that I had just found that the Universe, as an abundant place for spiritual adventure, provided me many different kinds of experiences, all summoned through mindful intention setting. Thoughts become reality, as reality is like a lucid dream of all dreams. The Buddha said that if people do not believe him, they should go out and try those teachings for themselves. That means, take an adventure! This should be encouraged more heavily in society. Mindfulness is important. Being present can solve a lot of life problems, not to mention societal issues. The breath, as the force for this solution, gives wind to the sails of life. If people are going to test out the waters of life, they all might as well blow themselves in the right direction, especially if it is away from a storm. That is something we have all gone through, but could easily avoid through the right discipline and direction. Sailing is a lot safer than it used to be, and meditation and mindfulness is more comfortable and scientifically researched than ever. Might as well take the journey, even if it means just picking up a book. A more enlightened mind is waiting for you after every page. Please, take your breath with you, whatever it is that you decide to do. You are going to need it for the journey!

Thursday, January 27, 2022

Number 7 Destiny


When I was experimenting with a ouija board when I was 18 years old, I detected something psychic in it that I deemed legitimate for the first time. I was with my friend, but no reading particularly came up. It just kept moving in random directions, sometimes even off the board. It was clear that nobody was moving it. Eventually it went straight to the number 7, with a psychic force shot through me, capturing my interest, but with confusion then regarding purpose as well as the possibilities of what I just witnessed. During this time, I had my first Blackberry, so I was often looking stuff up on Google. Out of habit, I typed in number 7 numerology. What came up with NUMBER 7 DESTINY, all in caps, just like that. 

When I started reading, this is what my possessed mouth and mind read.....

 Number 7 Destiny


7 (7, 16/7, 25/7, 34/7, 43/7, 52/7)

The number 7 Destiny suggests that the direction of growth in your lifetime will be toward thought, analysis, and the development of a mind skilled at searching out the truth. You must become accomplished at analyzing, judging and discriminating, so that little escapes your observation and deep understanding. In this you will become increasingly introspective, and value seclusiveness and solitude.

You are the type of person that can really get involved in a search for wisdom or hidden truths, and you must become an authority on whatever it is you are focusing on. This can easily be of a technical or scientific nature, or it may be religious or occult, it matters very little, you pursue knowledge with the same sort of vigor. You can make a very fine teacher, or because of a natural inclination toward the spiritual, you may become deeply emerged in religious affairs or even psychic explorations. You have excellent capabilities to study and learn really deep and difficult subjects, and to search for hidden fundamentals.

You tend to operate on a rather different wavelength, and many of your friends may not really know you very well. At full maturity you are likely to be a very peaceful and poised individual. You really like to work alone, at your own pace and in your own way. You neither show nor understand emotions very well.

The positive aspects of the 7 Destiny are that you must be a true perfectionist in a very positive sense of the word. You are very logical, and usually employ a quite rational approach to most things you do. You can be so rational at times that you almost seem to lack emotion, and when you are faced with an emotional situation, you may have a bit of a problem coping with it.

If there is an over supply of the number 7 in your makeup, the negative aspects of the number may be apparent. The chief negative of 7 relates to the limited degree of trust that you may have in people. A tendency to be highly introverted can make you a bit on the self-centered side, certainly very much self-contained. Because of this, you are not very adaptable, and you may tend to be overly critical and intolerant.



I used the board alone later and the arrow kept going off the board without me directing it. It truly was some psychic force, with more experiences to follow, with this being accurate in retrospect, as now a code that has defined my life.




L-in-g-u-is-d sigh-my-tree of LIFE!

 A cumming in and out part-V with "Mmmmmkay?" halt-ya form-a-III-he's NWO own as the not-Xi do-R's that is st-ill not for say-all...

        A linguistic symmetry from men-her-g wark-d and now a coming out can-T C     X part-he with my MK ULTRA naughty doctors that is STILL  NOT FOR SALE!


When I started testosterone in 2019 I started speaking linguistic symmetry within the first few months of my hormone replacement therapy as a result of my linguistic libido developing the gift of two sentences in one as an encrypted message often in sexualized form, starting with humorous realizations such as:


"Your moans in a bod-all.... make any bitch cum true!"

    Hormones in a bottle, make any wish come true!




I am bigger dick of the guys that want to fuck dead in the head plenty of f should be ish.

    I am sick of the guys that fuck like dead heads (stoners/the fish rots from the head down, as in bad ph levels cause bad leadership) of (a justified rape culture or creepy stuff like on dating apps) such as Plenty of Fish that are like dead fish because of the lack of liveliness in the dating or sex culture.


I do not need M un he.

    I do not need money, as in people are trying to bribe me for money and telling me to stay female by converting my gender identity - which is impossible!


The FBI is too ER-responsible to be taken steer-US-with-me.

    The FBI is too irresponsible to be taken seriously with me.


Pic-do-R's is f for d um d ummms, but not T-his slay-p-oooooooh sex-u-a-III.

    Picture books are fuck for dum dums, but not this sapio sexual. 

*The defining feature of evolution from our ancient ancestor was the linguistic capacity made possible from natural selection. Prior to this, our ancient ancestors spent a lot of time grooming, but evolution took off at a remarkably accelerated rate due to the capacity for language to have evolved which has determined language as a defining feature of dominance in sexual selection, as well as the differentiation between alphas and betas in a hierarchal system.


Fame is not my g-aim.

    Fame is not my game.


I like St-R-rate and d-erect cum-in-u-gay-sin.

    I like it straight and direct communication.

    

I am do praise he for faze she.

    I am too craz about me as he for all the phases of she's.


D-pour a-III the end of trees.

    Sterilize and deport all the people who will contribute to climate change.


I am fyi-I-d-in-g for my try-at-life.

    I am fighting for my tree of life.


I am the C-on-do-ya-R in this not even a black op-R-rate-in sir-rounding the you-man C-is-on d-is-in spear-it-u-all-even-if-I-am-a-he.

    I am the conductor in this black operation surrounding the human condition of spirituality.


V-on-his is not my gay-M. My plan-on-I-T is MA-R's.

    Venus is not my game/gender identity. My planet is Mars.


I Nye-d u d-p state in an-other Minn-is-still-a-d.

    I like Bill Nye's deep state in my "mind/my-d/Minnesota is the Many Waters of the woman in Revelation and the rushing water of Jesus."





Awakened to a Dream

I have awakened to a dream, I back then concluded. While following the current of my breath, I observed the reflection that I saw in the w...